Written By: Daniel Kinsley
Welcome, folks! This is the 1st Annual Live-Blog coverage of the Academy Awards here at The Porkchop Express. On Friday, we gave you our predictions about what will come away with the big prizes for the 90th Academy Awards. Follow along for our live comments, and let us know what you think! Winners will be marked in bold!
8:01PM: Not sure I’m feeling the black and white old time-y opener. But it sure does feel like Oscars–out of date and trying too hard to be clever!
8:03PM: Obligatory jokes about the epic Warren Beatty screw-up of 2017.
8:10PM: Kimmel coming correct with the opening monologue. Bonus points for the Black Panther box office gross.
8:11PM: Meryl Streep….we get it. I’m sorry, but I’m burnt out on her obligatory nominations.
8:14PM: Speaking of obligatory….Sam Rockwell has this SEWN UP.
8:16PM: Man, Willem Dafoe was REALLY good.
8:18PM: OH MY GOD, WHO SAW THIS COMING! BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: SAM ROCKWELL, THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING MISSOURI.
8:18PM: This really is well-deserved. Rockwell is consistently the best part of every film he is in, and he killed it.
8:20PM: Classy move giving a nod to Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Rockwell. Man, I still miss that guy.
8:26PM: I have no idea what’s going to win this, so I’m going to go with Darkest Hour, cause you know, Gary Oldman.
8:27PM: Kind of obvious, I think, since they’ve been pushing the narrative about Oldman’s transformation all season.
8:28PM: Side note, but if they play off any of these below the line guys, I’m going to have to call bullshit. LET THE LITTLE GUYS LIVE!
8:29PM: Eva Marie-Saint is a living fucking LEGEND! Better give her a standing ovation. She looks unbelievable for 93 years old. On The Waterfront (1954) is a stone classic.
8:39PM: To be totally frank, I think I’ve only seen one of these nominated documentary films, so let’s go with Icarus as the winner since that’s the one I saw, and it’s BONKERS.
8:41PM: Nailed it. BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: ICARUS, BRYAN FOGEL & DAN COGAN
8:43PM: Is this jet-ski giveaway really working? These speeches have been quick!
8:45PM: I’m not generally much of a fan of the Best Original Song performance. Good on Mary J. Blige for her historic nominations, but as my girlfriend astutely pointed out, mark the song performances under “Could Do Without.”
8:52PM: I’m a sucker for a good montage. This is definitely doing it for me. It’s a bit self-congratulatory, but hey, we are here to celebrate the movies!!!
8:57PM: The Christopher Plummer being old as shit jokes somehow just aren’t getting old, at least for this writer.
9:02PM: There was really no doubt that the SOUND awards were going to the war, film, right? Baby Driver was great, but c’mon. BEST SOUND MIXING & BEST SOUND EDITING: DUNKIRK
9:06PM: According to Twitter, the montages are controversial? You monsters.
9:08PM: Steven Spielberg just WON THE WHOLE NIGHT. “What do you do?” “Uh, I’m married to Kate Capshaw.” SLAY, STEVEN, SLAY!
9:08PM: Kumail kills, as usual. “The real Chris Pine.”
9:10PM: Betting on Shape of Water for Production Design. BET ON IT.
9:14PM: “THIS ONE IS FOR YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP!”
9:15PM: Okay, but really, it feels like a more powerful statement than to just let the art speak for itself and have such a vibrant and colorful celebration of Mexican culture. Coco was really great.
9:21PM: This jet-ski vacation gag feels kind of like a joke, but not a joke. I’d love to know if it’s actually working. The speeches this year have been refreshingly quick.
9:22PM: Rita Moreno ALSO looking like a stunner. I’m enjoying the way they are honoring some of the stars of Old Hollywood. It’s a classy move.
9:24PM: A foreign language victory for a Hispanic film about a transgender character? Let that sink in. THAT’S A BIG DEAL! And again, speaks VOLUMES about values.
9:26PM: MORE MONTAGES, HELL YES! Real talk, though.
9:27PM: This is more than likely going to go to Allison Janney, but I WANT JUSTICE FOR LAURIE METCALF, DAMNIT! #LADYBIRDFOREVER
9:28PM: Lesley Manville was a FORCE OF NATURE, THOUGH.
9:30PM: I mean, yeah, we all saw that coming…but I’m still pretty meh about it. The performance (and the film) were JUST OKAY. I’ll say it. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: ALLISON JANNEY, I TONYA
9:38PM: Mark Hamill, ladies and gentleman. “Don’t say La La Land, don’t say La La Land.”
9:40PM: There is literally NO CHANCE anything but Coco wins. NONE!
9:41PM: BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: COCO (DUH).
9:42PM: I want Trump to be watching this so badly. “Representation MATTERS!” PREACH, PIXAR!
9:51PM: The Overlook Hotel advertising the Academy Award Museum…brilliant.
9:56PM: There’s some stat about Best Editing and Best Picture being correlated, and Dunkirk could still sneak in, but I’m not sold on it. Plus, you know, the lack of other Best Picture films being nominated. Really, was there a point to my thought here at all? Debatable.
9:59PM: “Thank the movie-going public.” I’ll take a bow. You’re welcome.
10:00PM: The group going to the Chinese Theater is the ideal cast for whatever the next YA apocalypse adaptation is. Seriously, though.
10:08PM: People are going to bitch about this segment, but come on, it’s FUN. I like Kimmel’s penchant for spontaneity. It may make the ceremony longer, but it also spices things up.
10:11PM: Somebody please give me a buddy comedy with Tiffany Hadish and Maya Rudolph, STAT.
10:28PM: “Straight white dudes can watch movies with me in them and relate. It’s not that hard; I’ve been doing it my whole life.” Kumail Nanjiani is the man.
10:30PM: That was a pretty great segment. I love the emphasis on diverse voices, this year.
10:31PM: James Ivory is about to become the oldest winner in this category ever. Hell of a victory lap for the veteran writer.
10:35PM: This is a big category, and it feels pretty open, still. Having said that, I’m sticking to my guns on Peele. Though Gerwig could sneak in!
10:36PM: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER GET OUT!!!!!! BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: GET OUT.
10:38PM: The warmth of Peele’s reception makes me feel like Get Out could really show out for Best Picture. And man, would that bring down the house.
10:45PM: Kimmel vs. Matt Damon jokes NEVER get old. EVER. That was perfect.
10:46PM: Less so the Streisand bit. What just happened?
10:48: If Deakins doesn’t win after 14 NOMINATIONS, I’m going to tear this whole joint apart.
10:49PM: FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: ROGER DEAKINS, BLADE RUNNER 2049.
10:58PM: That’s LIVING LEGEND, Christopher Walken to you, mortal.
11:06PM: Eddie Vedder singing Tom Petty over the In Memoriam; I’m not crying; YOU’RE CRYING.
11:07PM: Goddamnit, it feels like every year hurts just as bad. John Heard, George Romero, Sam Shepard : (
11:14PM: “These four men and Greta Gerwig.” NICE!!!!!
11:14PM: Still rolling with del Toro on this one.
11:15PM: Well-deserved by Guillermo. My man always gives a great speech. Still hope for Get Out to take Best Picture. But also, it should be said The Shape of Water is also a beautiful film with a timely message.
11:17PM: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER GUILLERMO DEL TORO! This is just for you, François-Noël Vanasse!!!
11:21PM: Remember that time Leo finally won for The Revenant? Yeah, fuck that movie. Dude got robbed for The Wolf of Wall Street.
11:22PM: Oh, and in case you were wondering…sleep through these nominees cause GARY OLDMAN WON.
11:25PM: Obligatory message that Denzel Washington is one of the greatest to ever do it.
11:27PM: Look, this was definitely the safest, boring choice, BUT Gary Oldman is a cinematic treasure and I AIN’T MAD AT CHA, GARY!
11:28PM: “Obviously, I’m not going to win, the, you know, the ski.”
11:32PM: Frances McDormand is going to give a really great speech. Bet on it!!!
11:34PM: PSA: The Post was great, and Steven Spielberg is too good for most of you ungrateful fucks.
11:40PM: This has to be one of the shorter ceremonies in a long time. Getting done before midnight feels like an accomplishment!
11:41PM: You gotta love them doubling down on the presenters. But you know what, Warren Beatty deserved better!!!!!
11:43PM: THIS IS IT, FOLKS! Still pulling for Get Out. This is a legitimately suspenseful moment. When was the last time that happened?!
11:46PM: It’s not my PERSONAL favorite, BUT it’s pretty hard to be mad at del Toro for this win. I’m truly happy for him, and I hope this kicks open all types of doors for his brilliant, weird mind to keep doing his thing. PLEASE someone let him make At The Mountains of Madness, now? PLEASE. BEST PICTURE: THE SHAPE OF WATER.
11:48PM: To be clear, though, Get Out would have been an epic win.
11:50PM: That’s all, folks! That was just as much of a blast as I hoped it would be, and I sure hope those of you who came along for the ride enjoyed watching along with us! Till next time!!!